


Hold Me Tight, or Don't

by johnshuaa



Series: home is where the heart is [2]
Category: SEVENTEEN (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, English Line, Fluff, M/M, New York, Romantic Fluff, a little less coffee this time, fall out boy title lol, insomnia??, legitimate sleeping, none of that nasty stuff, this is my second time typing out these tags dangit
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-02
Updated: 2018-02-02
Packaged: 2019-03-12 05:43:29
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,331
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13540944
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/johnshuaa/pseuds/johnshuaa
Summary: It's difficult to sleep sometimes, so Hansol has to stay over at Joshua's for a little more reassurance.





	Hold Me Tight, or Don't

**Author's Note:**

> Hello I'm back only a week later :)
> 
> I'm considering adding one more piece to this series to kind of tie everything together, so look forward to that maybe...

Hansol thought he was a paradox of some sort, something that wasn’t meant to exist in the way he was now. He loved finishing work early but tended to always leave everything last minute. He socialized with practically everyone on campus, yet he hated being in groups of more than ten. He’s enjoyed spending time with people but he’s best friends with a quiet, studious boy who is nearly 3 years older than him.

Joshua Hong is very dear to him, probably because they’ve been friends for forever, even after Joshua left for college. Hansol worked his butt off to get to New York with him because there was no way he was staying anywhere else while his best friend was on the other side of the country.

New York was the place he wanted to work towards, anyway. He was born and raised there, and everything always felt familiar and at home. Of course, there was always the uneasy feeling of leaving his family for college, but the moment he exited the airport and found Joshua, hair dyed a light pink, sitting in a silver car, the queasiness cleared up.

 _Joshua is a blessing_ , Hansol thought. After all, it was the truth.

///

“Seungkwan is such a diva, I really can’t deal with living with him anymore.”

Hansol nursed his coffee mug, his favorite pastel blue one with a small whale imprinted in the middle, one that Joshua had gotten him as a _Welcome to New York University_ gift. He apparently found it in a gift shop while visiting San Francisco that spring, and Hansol couldn’t really figure out why he was getting a souvenir from there if he was in New York, but it’s Joshua so he couldn’t really complain.

Joshua didn’t lift his eyes from his phone, moving his lips like a camel to find the straw of his smoothie.

Hansol shook his head. “I don’t understand how you’re drinking blended fucking ice fruits in February. Spring doesn’t even start for another month.”

“I don’t drink caffeinated drinks. There’s literally nothing else I can get from here.”

Scoffing, Hansol sipped his coffee spitefully. “It’s a coffee shop. What did you expect?”

Joshua brought his head up and met Hansol’s annoyed glare. “I’m not the one forcing us two to come here every day. Plus, you’re the one who brings your own mug to pour the coffee you buy in.”

“This mug is cute. I like drinking in style.”

Joshua rolled his eyes and went back to his phone.

“Anyways, like I said, Seungkwan is really getting out of hand and he’s always complaining about how messy our dorm is even though he always refuses to clean it! I don’t understand why I can’t just move in with you. You still have that extra room, right?”

Joshua turned his phone face down on the wooden table and reached across to grab Hansol’s hand, squeezing slightly. _Well, that was unexpected._ Hansol thought his face went red and hoped it wasn’t noticeable.

“They won’t let you live off campus as a freshman. If they realize I’m housing a runaway then I’ll get in just as much trouble as you.”

“I wouldn’t be a _runaway_.”

Joshua quirked his brow.

Hansol pouted, puffing his cheeks and furrowing his eyebrows. “This is stupid. I want to file a complaint.”

Joshua pressed his palms on the two sides of Hansol’s face and rubbed circles on his cheeks. Hansol was blinking too many times per second that he could barely make out the other’s face.

“I promise you, you can move in with me next year, ok? Now just focus on school and deal with your roommate situation another time.”

Joshua let his hands go, dropped them back to the table, and picked up his phone and drink again. It’s as if he hadn’t just been caressing his cheek in the middle of a coffee shop. Hansol wanted to either scream or disappear, preferably at the same time so people would wonder why there are shouts coming from a random chair.

Hansol hid his face between his mug, downing the drink and wondering where Joshua’s sudden confidence came from.

///

It was currently 1 am, and Hansol had a paper due an hour ago that he was yet to finish. He was running off 4 cups of watered down coffee, 3 hours of sleep from the night before, and the light of his lamp that shown incessantly at his face so that he couldn’t drop unconscious then and there.

This wasn’t healthy, but he really had to finish his homework or there was a possibility that he would fail the class and lose his scholarship. He can’t leave, not when his home was here.

Before he knew it, he had pulled up his phone and dialed the top contact without a second thought. Hansol facepalmed once he glanced at the clock. Joshua liked sleeping before midnight, and he would just be grumpy the next morning if he was woken up randomly at this hour. Hansol hoped Joshua had shut his phone down.

“ _Hello?_ ”

Hansol groaned.

“ _Don’t tell me you butt called me in your sleep or I will hurt you tomorrow.”_

“I’m… sorry. For waking you up. You can ignore me.”

“ _You must have called me for a reason. I can tell something’s on your mind. What’s up?”_

Hansol sighed heavily, putting his phone on speaker and plopping down on his bed. “I still have so much homework and I have class tomorrow at seven and I’m just so…” He let out a strangled cry.

“ _Calm down, Hansol. You can deal with your work tomorrow. You’re probably running off caffeine and barely any sleep. Just rest now.”_

Hansol wasn’t sure when he started crying until he felt the tears flowing across this face, dripping on his nose because he was lying sideways and gravity wanted to hurt him even more, apparently.

“ _Hansol?”_

“You can go back to sleep. I’m fine.” Hansol choked on his words, a lump settling in his throat that he couldn’t quite cough out.

“ _I’m coming over. Keep your door open.”_

He didn’t want to move. He was about to tell Joshua to just stay put again, and get some sleep too. But he was tired, and stressed, and just  _too done_ to deal with another person. It’s about an eight minute drive to the dorms from Joshua’s house, but he peeled himself up and unlocked the door. His body collapsed next to the front door, and he pulled himself into a tight ball, sobbing gently into his arms.

Joshua was here. He barged through the door, looking around before noticing the bundle Hansol had become in the five minutes they were apart. Joshua knelt down, softly shushing him and holding his arms. He pulled out a handkerchief from his trenchcoat and dabbed Hansol’s face. _Bless him and his old school manners_.

“Let’s get you to bed,” he mumbled, dragging Hansol’s body up and propping it against his slim waist. Hansol leaned heavily on him, taking in the warmth he emitted.

Joshua managed to put Hansol on the spinny chair in his room, cleared the bed of papers and broken pencils, and finally heaved the younger boy into bed. It was nearing 2 am, and Hansol was just a little woozy but still somewhat awake. He curled back up into his ball, keeping his eyes closed because the tears were still on his eyelids and he didn’t want Joshua to think he was still crying.

Hansol could sense the body moving in and out of his room, probably collecting some of his mugs and organizing all of his homework. At one point, the lamp on his desk shut off, and the two were engulfed in darkness.

He felt his blanket getting dragged on top of him, and then a firm, reassuring hand on his shoulder.

“I’ll see you tomorrow,” Joshua murmured softly.

Hansol wanted to protest, to say something, anything. He needed Joshua to stay right now, but he was putting as much effort as he could into squeezing his eyes shut and not letting out another cry. He let Joshua exit his room, closing the door quietly, and slipping back out into the night.

///

It’s the third night Hansol had to stay up again, and this time, it wasn’t because of school.

Fortunately, he passed most of his tests with flying colors, thanks to some mentoring and only a cup of coffee per night. He wasn’t stressed, but he couldn’t sleep and Hansol and Joshua both knew, _there’s something wrong._

Joshua probably saw the dark bags under his eyes that seemed more prominent than usual, or maybe even the lack of enthusiasm Hansol had when bringing him to that little coffee shop every day. Hansol didn’t even know he wasn’t as happy as he used to be. He just knew he was tired of life in general.

“Hansol, how many hours of sleep are you getting?” Joshua said, pursing his lips. He stopped eating his croissant, only holding it in the air as his elbow braced the table.

“Er… About 3, I guess? I can’t really tell,” Hansol replied, wincing. It was worse than he thought. His resting schedule was inside out, and he hadn’t been productive at all.

“You know what, you’re staying at my place for the week.”

“I thought you said I couldn’t-”

“Forget what I said before. I’m worried about you.”

“But I could get-”

Joshua shoved his pastry into Hansol’s mouth. “Shut up. I’m going to force you to sleep if I have to. Your health is at stake, and I want you to be eating and resting at all the right times while still getting your work done. Understand?”

It’s scary to watch Joshua’s face contort as he spoke, his eyes widening, which only happened when he was truly infuriated.

He sent Hansol a _you-better-not-disagree-with-me_ look, and Hansol could only nod as he swallowed the dry bread.  

///

Hansol arrived that night with a hastily packed duffle bag and a bundle of blankets and pillows. Joshua had work that night, so Hansol was forced to sneak out of the room while leaving a note for Seungkwan, getting out of the dormitory without the RA finding him, then biking the 15 minute trip in the cold with all his belongings strapped to his back. It was certainly not a pleasant experience, that’s for sure.

Joshua opened the door with a smile, ushering him into his apartment. Hansol has only been there a couple times since they prefer spending time outside. It’s large and well decorated, everything in a neat location. Nothing too fancy that only the spoiled kids with rich parents would get, but a comfortable place to stay.

“Here’s your room,” Joshua said, guiding Hansol to through the door and into the bedroom. Everything was crisp and clean and unused, and Hansol could already feel how cold the atmosphere seemed. He gulped, but tossed his stuff on the ground and hopped onto the bed.

“You better be ready for bed in 15 minutes. I want you to get at least 6 hours of sleep tonight, okay?”

“Geez, it’s only like, ten right now,” Hansol complained, running his hands across the bed sheets.

“And you have to get up at six tomorrow with me, and I bet you’ll spend an extra hour on your phone,” Joshua replied, leaving the room.

Hansol grabbed his blanket and pillow, laying it down on the bed, and then proceeded to change into his pajamas. True to Joshua’s word, once he finished brushing his teeth and washing his face, he was lying down on his stomach and scrolling through Instagram.

Joshua was back again, this time in his own sleepwear, his eyes drooping ever so slightly.

“C’mon, get to bed,” he said, gesturing at Hansol to put his phone away. Hansol obeyed, throwing it into his duffel bag and dragging his blanket over him. He closed his eyes, letting his neck relax when Joshua rolled onto the bed with him, resting his head on the spare pillow next to him.

Hansol kept his eyes shut even tighter. “Is this necessary?”

“I’m not leaving ‘til you fall asleep, you know.”

He could only whisper a soft, _okay_. His voice was going to betray him and he was going to go on blabbering about little stupid things, and maybe accidentally spill his dreams and thoughts. Joshua definitely did not need to hear any of those.

Within two hours, Hansol’s breathing was steady enough to convince Joshua that he was asleep. He felt the body next to him stir, and the blanket there fell flat to the mattress.

The figure lifted his arms, stretching his muscles, and was ready to leave. Hansol couldn’t resist shooting his hand out to grab Joshua’s shirt.

“Stay with me.”

Joshua jumped, snapping his head around and clutching his chest.

“Jesus Christ, please don’t scare me like that.”

There was still a small stream of moonlight shining through the window, highlighting Joshua’s nose and cheekbones, turning his pink hair white. Hansol was mesmerized, and as the other climbed back under the sheets, Hansol couldn’t help but snake his arms around Joshua’s thin torso

“Hansol, I-”

“Hold me tight,” he found himself saying, eyes squeezing shut, scared of the upcoming rejection. There went his filter. He only opened one eye to gauge Joshua’s expression, which was a mix of worry and fear. “Or don’t. I’m fine.”

Hansol felt arms surrounding his own waist, hands locked behind him and resting on the small of his back.

The two weren’t particularly close to each other, only linking onto each other’s body on by their arms. They were chest to chest, but there was a comfortable distance between their faces. Hansol wasn’t ready for that kind of commitment, but whatever they were doing was innocent and nice and _good_.

“Now, sleep,” Joshua instructed.

Hansol’s eyes closed again and didn’t open until 6:18 am the next day.

**Author's Note:**

> stalk me on  
> twitter  
> [curious cat](https://curiouscat.me/johnshuaa)


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